Today marks the beginning of the rest of my life.
I signed the divorce papers today. After letting them sit on the bedroom dresser for a month, I finally sucked up the courage and signed them. Somehow I managed to do it without letting one tear drop fall from my eyes. Why bother? No amount of pleading or talking made a difference in my relationship with my husband….soon-to-be-ex-husband. He was no longer committed to our family. He was no longer committed to me. His focus is on the new woman in his life who is having his baby.
The thought makes me sick. That should have been me giving birth to the next child in his life; me introducing our kids to their little brother or sister. Not some tramp who stole my husband.
After weeks of trying to figure out what had driven my husband away, I still had no answers. I’d begged, pleaded, and damn near groveled to find out where our relationship had taken a turn for the worse. Alonso was hell-bent on keeping his reasons to himself. His focus was getting the divorce over with so he could move on with his life. The only thing he wanted was to be sure that he got to see the kids on a regular bases.
Regardless of how the breakup hurt, I refused to be a fool. Before signing the papers, I made Alonso agree to a few things that would take a little bit of the pressure off of the changes I was about to make. I couldn’t afford the house on my salary, so Alonso agreed to sell it. A portion of the money from the sell would go into a bank account in the kids name to take care of any daycare expenses or miscellaneous needs for the kids. But after that, what?
I am now on a countdown clock. Kai has four months before her baby is due, and I have no intentions of still living here, taking up space in her home with my kids. As it is, I’m already invading their space as newlyweds.
Now to come up with a plan….